Climb Every Mountain

The air is tight and cold, making each breath a chore. Every muscle is screeching with pain as they work to keep up with the demands of my body and mind. I’ve begun my ascent from the depths of the black abyss. I can’t look ahead, nor can I look back. Poised on the steep and jagged rock face, I can only concentrate on the cracks and crevices before me. The fear of falling is monumental, but I mustn’t focus on it. My survival depends on my willpower to rise above it.
According to the U.S Army’s Survival Manual, the first rule of survival is the will to live (1). When faced with dire circumstances, the tenacious inability to give up is the most important item in a person’s survival gear. Loneliness, fatigue, hunger and thirst are the antithesis of a strong will, and every inch relinquished to them is a nail pounded into one’s coffin. To give into to these stressors is detrimental to the well-being of a climber, and to do so would be the choice between life and death. The same could be said for one who suffers from depression.

Webster’s definition of “depression,” can be characterized in one of two ways: One, a depression is the angular distance of a celestial object below the horizon. Two, depression is a state of feeling sad with moments of: inactivity, difficulty with thinking and sleeping, and an increased or decreased appetite (Depression). When looking at the first half of the definition, let’s think of the “celestial object” as a person’s soul. The force of gravity pushes it under the horizon, and into the physical depression. As a result, the celestial body is distressed. This hinders any focus for what lies ahead. When the atmosphere compresses, the soul sinks deeper into the depression. Air is not flowing, which stalls movement. Now the first section of the definition sounds almost identical to what a person with depression goes through. Being one that has climbed a mountain, and has suffered from depression since the sudden, traumatic deaths of my two best friends – I can attest that no matter how it’s defined, a depression is not a desired state to be in. It is a mental struggle that leaves physical stress on the spirit and body. This is no different than what is encountered by a mountain climber.

Muscle fatigue, shortness of breath, and disorientation, are experienced by climbers at high altitudes. The only difference with someone who is suffering from depression is their placement in regard to the Earth’s poles; the climber being north, and the depressed being south. Each is toiling to reach the summit of a higher peak. Both are doing their best work to clutch and pull their weight to the top. As the climber and the depressed continue upward, they are at the mercy of their environments. A climber is always threatened by the weather, an avalanche, animals, and malfunctions with their gear. Someone who is depressed is affected by the weather, their overwhelming emotional state, and holidays.
During the holidays a depressed person is more attuned to their dismal stagnation. Even when they’re surrounded by family and merriment, the despondency one suffers is as isolating as a mountain top. The first Christmas after the deaths of my two best friends was the worst holiday I’ve ever known. While watching TV, I became overwhelmed by a Hallmark commercial. Before the flashing images of a loving family sitting around an ornately decorated tree could fade out, I turned the television off. And then I cried. I wept and moaned into my pillow for those loved ones that had vanished from my life. As the sobs subsided, I was left weak and nauseous. It was as though I’d run my body through the gauntlet, but the tears were necessary. In those instances of sadness, one has to let go, or they’ll lose their grip.

To mislay ones grip while climbing is a matter of life and death. “Even as I curse the vain folly of bringing death so close, I long for the adventure, for the lightening flashes of self-possession…,” says R.R Reno in his article, A Descent in the Dark (8). From the moment they began their ascent, the depressed and climber have spurned death nearer to the pass. This is a quest like no other. Only one who has climbed to such heights knows the ecstatic joy that comes from defying the laws of gravity. Overcoming depression is akin to reaching the summit of the highest mountain under the darkness of night. And I know what it is to be in such a state. In those periods of time, all I crave is to remain curled in the fetal position. I pray for the world fall away, or to let me disappear. Then somewhere between my hopelessness and grief, the calls of greener pastures and happier meadows are too strong to ignore. Each sluggish step out of the dark is a personal triumph. Every increase in altitude is an awesome act of courage and faith in my abilities. To climb out of depression is an adventure in self-preservation, and the most masterful craft a person can hope to obtain.

Conquering depression is as rewarding as it is challenging, and is the greatest achievement one can strive for. When all hope seems lost, even the slightest amount of resolve will save an individual from the defeat of death. Rising from the ashes of murk and shadow, to soar with the sun, rouses a feeling unlike any other. It takes endurance. Strength of character is required, and stubborn determination is needed to succeed. One simply doesn’t wake up at the top of a mountain; a person has to fight to reach such great heights. At any moment the climb can be encumbered with an avalanche of negative emotion, or paralyzing fear. But it is the will to survive that casts these dangers to the psyche aside. As the last hoist is heaved and the final breathless step is taken, there is no greater reward than the sight of the world below.

A patch-work quilt of beige and kelly-green lay on the ground below the summit. The clouds meander about at the level of my eye, and the sun is close enough to touch. Assessing the horizon before me I know there is no way but down. The landscape is a winding maze of peaks and valleys, but this is not a troublesome revelation. I have scaled a mountain of melancholy, and armed with this knowledge I am poised to triumph over any crag that assaults my path.


Works Cited
“Depression.” Webster’s New College World Dictionary. 4th ed. 2002. Print.
Reno, R.R. “A Descent in the Dark. (mountain climbing).” Commentary 126.4 (Nov 2008): 24-33. General OneFile. Web. 29 Sept. 2009
United States. Department of Defense. US Army Survival Manual: FM 21-76. Washington: US Department of Defense, 2003. Print.