“Well, Thompson's book is a study on survival. He was paid to write about a culture that was feared and hated at that time. It took balls to immerse himself in their doings, and he paid for it with blood. They pummeled the piss out of him, but he survived and served a very honest depiction of a lifestyle on the fringes of society. As for Cuehlo, its about recognizing that there is more at work in our lives than just living. There is a hand that is guiding, and a hand that wants us to see our worth and what we're capable of accomplishing. Life has literally beat the piss out of you, I honestly don't know how you are sitting beside me with a smile. Being able to do so under your circumstances speaks volumes of your strength and character. But that being said, there is something wading under the surface of your gaze that suggests that you haven't any idea just what your capable of, or just how strong you actually are.”
“Flattery will get you every where with me, sir. You keep this up, you'll get my pants off for sure,” I said focusing on the wet napkin under my glass.
Jason chuckled, “Good to know, but that's not what this is about. Sometimes a person needs to be reminded by a stranger that they have all the potential in the world. It would be a waste to throw it away or believe that you are nothing more than fodder for fire.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, and squeezed his hand, “Thank you. You will never know what your words have meant to me.”
He held my hand in his as I attempted to pull mine away, “Now that that's out of the way, let's get back to the business of getting your pants off,” Jason took notice of my empty glass, “Rum and Coke, right?”
Despite our heavy flirting throughout the remainder of our evening, Jason and I both slept alone. As I readied myself in the morning, Jason met me in the common area with a cup of aromatic coffee.
“A little something to wake you up. Semuc Champey is as close to Paradise as one can get on Earth. Its amazing, I wouldn't want you to sleep through it,” he then pulled a weathered copy of The Alchemist from his back pocket, “Remember what I said...”
“That my hair would look spectacular sprawled out across your naked chest, or that I have an amazing tongue...you said so many things, refresh my memory.”
“You're incorrigible,” he laughed, “I said you have an amazing tongue, really? I don't recall kissing you,” he said utterly confused.
“It was after I tied triple knots in that cherry stem.”
“Ah, yes...but no, I was talking about the serious stuff that I can not recall now thanks to the memory of the stem.”
I hugged him, “I haven't forgotten what you said to me, and I could never thank you enough for saying it to me. Be safe where ever your adventures take you, and from the bottom of my heart thank you for a perfect evening.”
Jason gave me a quick peck on the lips, but lingered a bit. “The pleasure was all mine, and Rose I hope you find all the happiness the world can afford you. Now here's the coffee and don't forget the book. It's a bit of ride to Paradise.”
I settled into my seat in the air conditioned mini-van and waited for take off. Soon the van was full, and we began our journey to Semuc Champey. There were conversations in Spanish, Hebrew, and German all around me. But all I could hear were the words on the page echoing in my head. The Shepard boy Santiago, and his journey offered lessons for any adventure in life. A sojourner should recognize the signs, listen to the language of the world, trust/talk to your heart, but ultimately never give up. There was still an hour of travel time left when I finished the book. Once again the story transcended the page. Cuehlo's words always moved and inspired me, and they always came to me at the exact moment when I need the message veiled in the paragraphs and pages.
I asked the girl beside me if she had a pen and piece of paper I could borrow. She ripped a sheet from her notebook and handed me a pencil. I nodded my thanks and started to write to my brother. It'd been awhile since he made an appearance.
“Have I lost you” I wrote.
“No, I am still here. You had quite the evening,” Josh scribbled on the page.
“Yeah, it was serious, yet flirty and fun. Tell me were you prompting Jason to say those things to me.”
“Actually no, he did that all on his own. Good man.”
“He really was. Can I ask, is he one that will stick around in my life, or was this a chance meeting?”
“Your time together is going to stay with you for forever, but the two of you have different paths to take and they don't cross again.”
I gazed out the window and enjoyed the view of high, rolling, and lush hillsides. The sun was shining, and from emerald to kiwi – the landscape was covered with every shade of green one could imagine. Basking in the light and relishing in the warmth radiating through the glass – I was rejuvenated and felt that nothing could hurt me. I was shedding my skin. All the horror and angst was flaking to the ground, and I was pulverizing it under my feet.
“Josh, is it wrong that I haven't thought of Amber or Lisa in the past few hours?”
An unmistakeable warmth was enveloping my heart, and I knew that even though I couldn't see him, Josh's hand was on my shoulder.
“Let me ask you a question – Do you think that Amber and Lisa would want you to mourn them every second of every day, or do you think they'd want you to enjoy what time you have on this Earth?”
“They'd more than likely want me to do a bit of both,” I said with a soggy smile, “We were all friends for a reason, we're all kind selflessly self-centered,” I wrote.
“That sounds contradictory.”
“It is, but its true. We would do anything for anyone, but we wanted recognition too.”
“Are you ready? It won't be long now before you're there. You'll see Semuc Champey today, and then Lanquin Cave the following morning.”
“None of this seems real to me, so I guess I am as ready as I will every be,” I wrote.
“Well Sis, it is very real, and it is happening to you, so be ready for what tomorrow brings. The closer you are to the cave, the more you'll understand what I am warning you against.”
…...................................................................................
The following morning I sat under a rotting pavilion sipping a cup of rancid coffee. People were moving about the out door shacks of the hostel, and were heading to either the dark out house or the glacier cold shower. It was true that the sun was shining, and the morning was already humid – but the chill that had seeped into my bones would not be moved. As I had lay sleeping, my dreams were haunted by memories of Dwayne.
Every bad thought I'd ever known was from him. Every doubt and all my lack of self-worth were due to his rages. I couldn't look in the mirror for fear that he'd be standing behind me. He was the head popping out of the wall, and the gasp of terror as the monster rips the heroine's heart out with his bare hands. His words had always been his greatest weapon against me, but his hatred my undoing.
The thought of having to face him and ultimately defeat his sinister urge was beyond comprehension. I hadn't seen him in 10 years, but the wounds he'd inflicted upon my soul were still fresh. He never laid a hand on me. I was never kicked, shoved, or bull whipped – but it felt like I had. His roars and bellows still echo in my mind. I can still recall the venom dripping from his snarl as he cursed me. His eyes – black holes that swallowed me in their vacuum of hate – plagued me even now. I'd done everything I could think of to escape those eyes. But they always found me.
Gone now was the peace of yesterday. Even in the shining gaze of the sun, I was lost in the thick shadow creeping along the fringes of what was seen and unseen. All around me the people in my tour group were laughing, smiling, and enjoying the day. Not me. I could feel him. Dwayne was near and he was biding his time. Soon I would be within his grasp, and he was going strike. But not until he'd reminded me of the old days. Those days of torturing apprehension. The moments of never knowing who was going to greet me at the door – the man who I'd grown to love as a brother and father, or the devil who craved the mind fuck of psychological abuse. He was darker than a Sith Lord, and more deadly than a viper.
Soon the group and I were ushered to a couple of junkyard trucks. We piled into the back and did our best to avoid searing our skin on the hot skillet that was the bed of the truck. As we drove down the gravel road hitting every pot hole and divot, I was struck my the lush beauty of the Guatemalan countryside. We were surrounded by rolling hills spotted with grazing cattle and sprinkled with twisted green foliage. It was teetering on the edge of a primal wildness and a tamed serenity. Rickety shacks popped up here and there. They were over brimming with poverty, but also a joy that glowed about the people in a heavenly halo. Most of them had less than nothing, but their smiles revealed a deeper richness that many will never know.
As wondrous as these sights were, they did nothing to appease the rising bile in my gut. Every cloud pass across the sun etched a foreboding chill in the marrow of my bones. My knees were knocking with unchecked fear. My pulse was beating a rhythm that belonged to tribes in Africa. It was crazed and frenetic. An energy sapping panic was invading my sensibilities, and I searched through the scattered items littering the bed of the truck for something to write on. I found an paper cup, and I tore it in half. The girl I'd borrowed a pen from on the they way to Semuc Champey was sitting next to me, and I bothered her once again for the writing utensil.
“Josh, talk to me please,” I wrote.
“I told you the closer we get, the worse you were going to feel.”
“Well knowing that and experiencing it are two totally separate things.”
“(sigh) I know, and I wish this wasn't happening to you at all – but there was nothing I could do to stop this from transpiring. If I could have saved you from this task, I would have.”
“I know I have to have this battle as you call it, but honestly, what is it going to solve if he is in a coma somewhere? Won't he just sprout back up like a weed?”
“You know that urban myth that if you die in your dream, you die in reality?”
“Yeah.”
“Its not really a myth in this instance. Destroy the soul, destroy the man.”
I swallowed a moan. “I have to kill him?”
“Or be killed.”
In a fit of terror and rage, I crushed the paper cup into a ball and tossed it as far as the wind would carry it.
Those sitting near me spoke amongst themselves in Spanish. My outing companions consisted of a doctor from Barcelona on a holiday with his partner and a group of traveling musicians from Spain. Three men and one woman. At first they had looked upon me with fair regard, but now as I was trembling and mumbling to myself – I was falling from favor. The musician with his dreadlocks pulled back in a pony tale spoke to me in English.
“Miss, are you okay?”
“Not really. I am not used to the food down here. My stomach is really starting to kill me,” I lied.
“Do you want me to tell the driver to turn around and take you back to the hostel,” he said with a sympathetic smile.
I shook my head, “That is nice of you to offer, but I will be alright. I will just hang back by the truck instead of swim. The altitude and fresh air is starting to help.”
He nodded, “Okay, but if you start to feel worse, come find me and I will get one of the drivers.”
“Thank you,” I said with a smile.
Not long after we pulled into the tropical oasis. Everyone shared the same expression of quiet awe and silent reverence. The leaves on the trees sparkled with an emerald iridescence. Pools of clear looking glass water shimmered at the bottom of lackadaisical waterfalls, and a sea-green river meandered just on the other side of the parking lot. On the ride we'd climbed to a decent altitude and the air was cooler. The humidity was no longer an irritating dew upon our skin. Forgetting my troubles, I left the sanctuary of the truck and explored the area.
Vines rocked and waved from the tall trees, and butterflies skipped along the breeze. Birds were singing from the cover of the jungle's canopy, and spider monkeys howled with laughter at those of us hiking below. Wanting to be alone, I let the tour group pass me on the muddy trail.
When they were well past me, I followed the steps that led to a secluded platform. It was then that the scenery turned on me. A herd of hairy, jumping spiders hurdled my feet as they sprinted down the hill. They were soon followed by an army of huge, red, fire ants. The tropical jungle was all of a sudden as silent as a mortuary. There was a voice in my head.
“He is here. Run.”
I had no idea where my feet were taking me. I jumped over fallen trees, and slapped low branches from blocking my way. I didn't think. I couldn't. No coherent thoughts entered my mind. Every thing was a cryptic scramble of fright and flight. Twigs snapped under my sandaled feet. Sweat and tears streamed down my face. There was a putrid breath whispering on the back of my neck causing my skin to ripple with goosebumps. A sinister chuckle mocked every misstep and trip. I was the dodging rabbit and the leaping doe – Dwayne was the rabid bear and wild boar. He knew that I knew this chase was all for show – he could take me when ever he wanted. But he loved the thrill of the hunt, he reveled in the fear he could smell on me. The jungle was getting darker. The shadows and shades were boxing me in. And then at once I had no where to run – no where to go.
With a ricocheting pop, and a cloud of smoke Dwayne appeared before me. He rushed me at with a roar and snarl. Then the world went black.
….................................................................................................................
Sulfur and acrid heat woke me from the bludgeoning darkness. I scowled and attempted to move, but couldn't. Shifting on the tepid and slimy rock surface beneath me, I noticed an oozing pressure on my wrists and ankles. My eyes opened, at least I thought they opened. But I was still in the dark. If it weren't for the flicker of light billowing in the distance, I would have thought I'd gone blind.
“I know I came on a little strong back there, but I think we can manage to let bygones be bygones, hmm?”
Instinctively I shuddered. “Where's Lisa?”
“I don't know, she's hanging around here somewhere,” Dwayne chuckled.
“So's your brother. He gave me a bit of a chase – must run in the family – but I guess he figured that since I had you, he may as well come and join the party.”
“I want to see them.”
“What makes you think you're in any position to start spouting off demands?”
“Because she's not the coward hiding in the dark,” growled Josh.
“That'll do Sprite,” Dwayne sneered and snapped his fingers.
A groan escaped my lips and a tear rolled from the corner of my eye, as my brother howled in pain. He was ethereal and had no substance, but whatever Dwayne was doing inflicted a hurt that I couldn't bear to listen to.
“Stop,” I screamed.
At once the light that filled the belly of the cave was crackling and spitting to life. Dwayne slithered over me and gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. My eyes widened as I realized he could touch me. His wasn't a ghost's caress. Dwayne's grip was causing an ache. There was nothing I could do to stop the tremors that consumed my frame.
“That's it, she's getting it now. 'Destroy the soul, destroy the man.' Isn't that what big brother said to you? Well, it works both ways sweetness. You shouldn't have passed out.”
I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut. He'd taken my soul from my body.
Dwayne chuckled and shoved off of me.
“I don't know kiddo, I really thought you'd make this harder on me. Now, I really am disappointed in you. Didn't I raise you better than this, or are you really a worthless piece of shit?”
I sobbed.
Dwayne snapped to attention as a rock smashed against the wall next to his head.
“What the...” Dwayne trailed off, “Come!”
With that the ooze that had been holding me hostage disappeared. Dwayne and his minions took off in the direction the rock had traveled from.
I ran to my brother's aid. He was dangling from a hook that had pierced him between his shoulder blades. The back drop to my brother's swinging body was a labyrinth of stalactites and stalagmites. They filled the cave and gave way to the illusion that we were housed in the venomous jaw of a dragon. There was water nearby. It caused the air to “whoosh” and blow by as it pushed through the bowels of the limestone lair.
Josh moaned.
“How can I help you,” I cried.
“Down? You can't. I'm the only one who truly has no power here. We're too close to Hell. Demons have no power in Heaven, and vice versa. You and Dwayne aren't technically dead, so anything Dwayne can do, you can do to him. Lisa too, but as she suffered when she was living, so too will she suffer here. Were she closer to Home, this wouldn't be an issue. She doesn't belong here, and neither do you.”
“Josh...I don't know what to do...”
“Get the frick out of here is what we're going to do,” exclaimed a beloved voice behind me.
I gasped as a sob nearly rocked me off my feet.
“Josh, if I turn around is she going to disappear,” I said my lower lip trembling. Tears were welling in my eyes, as I gazed upon my brother's shimmering expression.
“If she's here, she was sent.”
“I wasn't so much sent, as I was finally given permission,” said Amber.
As I turned around, I nearly fell to my knees at the sight of my best friend standing with her arms crossed and a dazzling on her face.
Her hair was in braids, and there was now phosphorescence radiating around her. She could have been a Valkyrie or Athena. Statuesque and fragile all at once, I was awestruck. Amber walked toward me as my feet seemed to be rooted to the spot. Ever the ballerina, she moved with a graceful glide. Before I could catch my breath, we were hugging and I was sobbing against her shoulder.
“We don't have much time Rose, and I have missed you too,” Amber said lifting my head to wipe my tears away.
“I have so much to say to you...”
“No, you don't. I know what I was to you, and you know what you were to me. There are no regrets between us Rose, none. Come on, I know where he's keeping Lisa. We have to get out of here before she's lost forever.”
“But Josh...”
“I will be fine, you've got to get out of here. Dwayne's coming back.”
Before I could respond, Amber was leading me through a tight crevice we had to crawl through.
“Why can't we ever just fly,” I muttered once we were out in open space again.
“You really want Dwayne flying around like a bat? Cause that's what would be going on if we could fly,” said Amber.
“I guess not, but seriously, I always thought I'd be able to fly.”
“Really Rose, this is what you have on your mind right now, flying or your lack there of? We have a maniac hot on our heels and you're worried about whether or not you're going to be able to fly when you die?”
“Like it hasn't occurred to you once,” I snapped back.
Both Amber and I grinned as we settled into our old routine. Me - making light of our dire circumstances, and she - doing her best to pretend she was irritated by this.
“So now what,” I said as we came to massive waterfall.
The water was rushing with Class 5 force. If we were to take a step, Amber and I would be swept away in a tumble of whirlpools and racing waves. There were jagged rocks peaking through the white water, and the length of the drop was indistinguishable through the thick mist of the falls and our dimming light.
“We jump,” said Amber as she grabbed my hand and commenced to the free fall.
We were weightless, and the drop seemed to go on for forever. Somewhere in my mind I knew I was supposed to be terrified, but all I could do was chuckle. Time and gravity ceased to exist within the free fall. It reminded me of the Bugs Bunny cartoons where he was careening to earth from a push off a cliff. All I needed was to shift to a lounging position and pull a carrot out of my pocket. But just as I was about to relax, we disappeared beneath the pool's surface in a cannonball punch of rockets and water.
Amber's laughter reverberated through the echoing cavern.
“Who needs to fly when we can do that?!”
“Now who's distracted from the task at hand,” I said with a grin. “Remember there is a maniac right behind us?”
Amber opened her mouth to reply, but stopped as we both heard a faint cry from just beyond the shoreline of the pool.
I turned to Amber, “Lisa.”
With that we ran out of the water only to succumb to utter and devastating darkness. The ground crackled as though we were walking on broken glass.
“Do you think Dwayne is already there,” I asked to fill the stoic silence.
“Can't you feel him? He's not very far behind us.”
“Why doesn't he just “poof” in front of us? I mean we are capable of exceptional acts at this point, aren't we?”
“Sort of. I can probably get away with more than you, seeing as how I actually died. Since you and Dwayne are technically alive you can do things within the spiritual realm, but not much more than sense where others are and what makes them tick. That's why its so important for you to stop letting Dwayne get the best of you.”
“And how am I supposed to do that Am? The man scares the shit out of me!”
“Because you let him! You know full well that there is an anger and rage inside you that matches his, and you know its because of him that it is housed in you! I can feel it Rose – the hatred and loathing – if you don't purge them, you're never going to see me in the after life. That kind of rage stays in Hell where it was birthed.”
“Are you saying I'm like him?”
“Until you let them go, yeah, you are, but honestly Rose – you're going to need that wrath to get the drop on Dwayne, and he knows this which is why he's using parlor tricks to get in your head.”
“Parlor tricks, really? My brother swinging like slaughtered cattle on a meat hook is a parlor trick? And what about those oozing shadow things?”
“Those are help from Hell. The shades and shadows are attracted to fear and anger – that's what they feed on. You could control them as well as Dwayne does. As for your brother, I'm not sure how that happened, or why.”
“He said that he has no power here – he's too close to Hell.”
“Ah, that makes sense. Its not much farther to Lisa. She's in a bad way Rose. Suicides have a rough transition in the afterlife. Stop here for a second, and really listen to what I have to say. Lisa didn't mean to do what she did – she was sick. Between my murder and everything that happened prior to it, Lisa didn't stand a chance. There was nothing you could have done to save her, and she doesn't deserve your anger. I know you're furious with her. But there was nothing that either of you could have done to change what happened that day. Nothing.”
“Am, I don't know how to forgive her for that moment. I was already plagued by your murder, and then to see her so deliberate...I can't get that final image out of my brain. She left me with two perfect pictures of blood and carnage. I doubt I will ever be rid of them.”
“Rose do you love her?”
“Of course! How can you ask that!? That's why this hurts so bad! I lost you both, and I don't know how to hurdle the mountain of never seeing you again! That I'm with you now is wonderful, but I know its only a fleeting moment. When this is over I'm going to lose the both of you all over again. You get to return with Lisa – I get to wake up alone. So you tell me, how would you feel if you were me right now?”
“Bat shit crazy. But I think we both know that I wouldn't last long with out you. You think that you were the weakest of our trio, but Rose you were always the strongest...”
“I am beyond sick of hearing that! 'oh Rose, you're so strong, blah, blah, blah.' Fuck! Why do I have to be the one who gets left behind?! Why am I the one who has to deal with all this utter nonsense and pick up the pieces of me that keep shattering?!”
Amber sat silently while I raved, when I noticed she was simply looking at me with an eyebrow raised my voice faded away.
“You down with the hissy fit? Because I will tell you why you're the survivor – If you were a comic book character, you'd be Jean Grey a.k.a Phoenix. Your soul was born to rise from the ashes. Deal with it.”
Lisa's cries were getting louder as Amber and I made our way through the dark.
“We need to turn here,” said Amber.
“How do you know?”
“Can't you sense her? As for the turn, you should be able to feel that out as well.”
For a moment I cleared my mind, but all I could see or feel was Dwayne's cold and calloused hands around my neck. The vice around my throat was accompanied by a chill that became more and more frigid with every step I took.
“All I can feel is Dwayne, and I am so cold.”
“Dwayne is not far behind us, and the Lisa is just around the corner,” said Amber.
As we turned, we came to a clearing lit by three oil burning lamps. Lisa was shackled to a damp rock wall. Her head was buried in her chest, which heaved as she sobbed. Her hair was damp and matted around her head. When our footsteps registered, Lisa tensed and readied herself for an assault.
“Lisa, nothing that happened to me was in any way your fault,” said Amber as she crouched next to our tortured friend.
Lisa looked up – her expression incredulous.
“How....why....Leave me alone! I deserve to be punished!! Everything I have ever touched has turned to shit! I'm cursed,” she said with a broken whisper, “I deserve to be here.”
Lisa turned away from Amber and wept into her shoulder. I couldn't stand to see her this way. Her face puckered with tears and etched with a pain I could never comprehend. I knelt beside her and tucked her hair behind her ear. Lisa closed her eyes to block my gaze as I lifted her chin. With my palm pressed against her cheek, I began to speak.
“Lisa, please look at me.” When she refused, I continued to talk. “I know you're thinking about those last minutes, and how they affected...hurt me...but I've got to tell you none of that matters. Yes, it hurt. And yes, I couldn't have been more pissed at you, but Lisa, none of that matters. I love you. You were – are – my dearest friend. Without you I would never have had the courage to talk to boys. Without you I would never have dared to skydive. If I'd have never met you, my life would have been empty and boring. Its because of you that I am brave. Its because of you that I leap before looking, and I wouldn't trade any of that to erase you from my mind. You're imbedded in my heart just as deeply as Amber. Now, we don't have much time....”
“Hold that thought stepchild, because I'm already here and am I ever pissed,” said Dwayne.
Amber and I jumped to our feet and stood before Lisa.
A tsunami of the black ooze rushed over Amber and I. It wrapped and swirled around Lisa until her cries were nothing more than a muffled hum. The ooze tightened and coiled around Lisa. I could sense that she was giving up and letting herself fade away. A repeat of the recent past – Me standing by her side helpless. This time I refused to give into the impotence of idly keeping watch while she disappeared entirely.
A rush of indignant rage flowed through my veins and I punched the black ooze with the force of Thor's hammer.
“Enough,” I bellowed. “Let her be!”
The ebony tar boiled to a searing shade of molten lava, and then it exploded into nothingness. All that remained was Lisa, who was staring up at me with a look of utter astonishment.
Grinning, Amber turned to me, “Told ya so. The fire in your belly is exactly what we need today.”
Emboldened, I lifted my chin and straitened my stance.
Dwayne chuckled, “Don't get cocky girl, you will never beat me. I will have your friends, and I will have your family. One by one I will snatch them, and your enduring Hell will be watching what I do to them for an eternity.”
“You'll never take me. The young girl that you abused and terrified died two days ago. She watched her life crumble to dust because of two gunshot blasts to the head. The parts parts of me that cowered before your feet and trembled under the onslaught of bellows have all but disappeared.”
Dwayne snorted. “Captivating speech, but stupid girl.”
In an instant I was on the ground pressing a palm to my burning cheek. Dwayne had slapped me with enough force to send me reeling to the damp rock floor. As I struggled to find my footing, Dwayne picked me up by the hair on my head. The roots were singing with pain as he twisted my dark curls around his fist.
Nose to nose, Dwayne growled, “Hear me now girl, you will die before I let you upset my plans. Do you understand me,” he said pulling even harder so that my neck was contorting under the pressure of his tugs. “You will never be rid of me.”
He snapped his fingers and a red hot brand appeared in his free hand. Dwayne pushed me to my knees, and twisted my hair until I could feel the roots ripping away – scalp and all. The brand was under my left eye. The heat was such that my skin was beginning to blister and it hadn't yet touched my skin. Dwayne didn't speak. His eyes screamed and roared into mine as he pressed the brand upon my flesh. It sizzled, and I bit my lip to keep from crying out in agony. With his mark permanently etched upon my skin, Dwayne smiled and shoved me away. I skidded into the wall next to Lisa. Something in her eyes ignited to life as she looked upon my scaring cheek. Lisa began to twist in her chains.
In a flash of wind and smoke, Dwayne appeared behind Amber. I jumped to my feet, but I was too late. Before Amber could utter a shriek, they were gone. Lisa growled from her stoop on the ground. She was pulling against her chains. Every muscle was strained as she did her best to break free. The rock began to give way to her heroic efforts. With a liberated scream, Lisa snapped the chains away from the rock. As Lisa came to her feet, her shackles disappeared and a light had returned to her eyes.
“So are we going to go get that asshole, or what? He's got Amber, we can't stay here all day lolly-gagging around,” she said with her hands on her hips.
Footsteps splashed as they sprinted toward Lisa and I. I turned to see my brother racing toward us.
“Lisa, glad to see you up and about. Rose, we have to get moving. Dwayne's next move is not pretty. He's taken her to a Mayan Temple. If he sacrifices her there – as I suspect he's going to do – there will be no stopping him. You need to know this, but I've held back because Dwayne is strongly tied to your mind. He is going to have all he needs to end you the second you hear what I have to tell you. We will have to act fast. Rose, the only way you can absolutely kill Dwayne is to snuff out his eternal flame.”
“What the heck is this dude talking about,” asked Lisa as she tilted her head like a befuddled puppy.
I shook my head, “I haven't a clue. What are you saying Josh? And why can't I do the things Dwayne keeps doing. He appears and disappears with smoke, he snaps his fingers and things appear in his hands – If I am supposed to be able to do whatever he can do, why can't I do it?”
“I am really unsure as to where Dwayne's magic is coming from, because that's all it is. He doesn't have more or less power than you – he is simply making use of someone else's abilities. Your problem is you keep giving into fear...”
“I am sorry do you not see the hand print on my cheek from his slap, and do you not notice the nice scar that is currently swelling to the point that it is hard for me to see clearly out of my eye? I think I have a right to be fearful, and I can't help it if that is my reaction to him. Maybe it wouldn't be if he'd stop with the sadistic bullshit, but as he just snatched Amber, I'm afraid that won't be happening anytime soon. So cut me some fricking slack, for the love of God!”
Josh and Lisa shared a look over contraposto stances and crossed arms.
“Rose, are you done whining, cause I'm pretty sure we've got to get a move on.”
“Seriously Lisa, don't give me any shit right now, okay? Just seconds ago you were chained to a flipping wall crying to yourself.”
“Yeah, and now I'm free, yet we can't say the same for you can we? You're still failing to see the big picture.”
Josh cleared his throat, “Sorry girls, but I got interrupt before you two start up where you left off, bickering for no apparent reason...”
Lisa laughed, and I smiled at the wheezy, husky sound. “But Josh, that's our thing,” Lisa said with a wink and a smile.
“It is, but seriously? I'm not seeing the big picture?! Raise your fucking hand if you have a fucking brand on your face.” I paused a moment, and raised my hand in the air. “That's right. Just me. I have the fucking brand on my face. Which how is that by the way? How come I could smell flesh burning? Aren't I supposed to made of smoke and air?”
“You are. Dwayne has literally left his mark upon your soul now. I am not sure what the ramifications of this latest development are, but we'll deal with that at a later date.”
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, “I really love how all these rules get explained to me at their leisure. I'm sick of the guesstimation game, tell me now or don't tell me at all. You're driving me insane. Trust me, even without all the dramatics, I got it, I know just how vast this picture is. Now you were saying something about our special sparks?”
Josh tilted his head, “What...oh, eternal flames, yeah, every spirit is alive with a flame, whether its good or evil, it is there and it is burning. If it is taken from said spirit, the angel or demon who did so captures the power of the soul and adds it to theirs. I had hoped that he wouldn't figure this out, but such is life.”
“How did you get lose,” I asked, “I thought you had no power here?”
He grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, about that. I may have fibbed a bit.”
“What do you mean, 'a bit?'”
“Well, I could have broke free of Dwayne anytime I wanted, but I knew if I did I'd never find you. I let myself get captured to wait for Dwayne to bring you to the cave. He took his time, but eventually you showed up and you needed to see what was at stake. I'm glad that last bit worked, because we'd have been screwed if it hadn't.”
“When you get back Home, please tell your boss that I hate being anyone's pawn. So Dwayne burst away in a puff of smoke, I am assuming that if he can do this, you can too. And I am also going to assume you could have done this from the beginning.”
Again Josh grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, but you needed time to come to terms with what was happening, and that wouldn't have been achieved very quickly if we were just popping up here and there all willy-nilly. Know what I mean?”
I scowled, and crossed my arms, “Oh I get it, but can we knock that shit off now?”
“Yeah,” said Lisa chiming in, “Can you just take us to Amber, as you pointed out ,we don't have much time.”
“Seeing as how I will be carrying you both, I'm going to need to build up a bit of momentum,” Josh said as he backed up 30 paces. Once satisfied with his position, Josh charged Lisa and I. As he came at us full force, his arms wrapped around our waists and we galloped into a vortex of sorts.
What I could see and focus on reminded me of the Star Trek episodes with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Black nothingness and white pinstripes that moved with intermittent flashes of light. We were en route in a Fun House barrel spin through the universe. Before I could get a lock on my bearings, our Warp Speed ride came to brain crushing halt.
Lisa, Josh, and I were standing on the edge of the world – or at least that's what it seemed. A canopy of luscious tropical jungle as far as the horizon in every direction. We were standing on a stepped pyramid that emerged from a forest of evergreen grass. Every thing about the landscape seemed other worldly. The breeze carried with it the cries of howling monkeys, the cawing of parrots, and a young woman's terrified screams.
Across from the limestone pyramid, a temple climbing toward the stars appeared to be saturated in the crimson glow of the setting sun. Amber bound in a web of scaffolding and fraying twine. With the Stele eye of the temple as her back drop, Amber was the hub of a wheel - her arms and legs the spokes.
I turned Josh, glaring. “You totally didn't stick the landing here Brother! Why are we over here, when we need to be over there,” I shouted as I pointed toward Amber's taut body.
“If we'd landed there,” Josh said with air quotes, “Dwayne would have gotten the drop on us.”
“Maybe, if it'd been my plan at all,” Dwayne said, “But seeing as how I seem to be getting more intelligent by the second, it was a sure bet that you'd spirit the Rose opposite of where you knew I'd land, so here we are and ain't this a gas.”
Dwayne's face was ablaze with an arrogance and cock sureness that ignited such a rage in me it was a wonder I didn't burst into flames. My jaw was set and locked. Our eyes never left each others gaze, and then Dwayne winked. At this my teeth were bared and I was growling low in my throat. In the blood red haze of the setting sun, Dwayne was set in my sights and the kill shot was locked. He was mine. Distorted pictures scattered throughout my mind caught in a cyclone of wrath and revenge. Every night that I had cried myself to sleep, and every moment I froze with terror at the pounding of his footsteps – all of these memories acted as nitroglycerin to my already volatile psyche.
Lisa and I shared a look, without having to say a word, we understood the plan. At my move she was going to race to Amber's aid. I would keep Dwayne otherwise occupied until Amber was free, or my soul was decimated.
Josh hit the ground in shock as I shoved him out of my way as I charged my sneering stepfather. We tangled, and rolled down the backside of the stepped pyramid. The wild flowers and grass were crushed in our wake. The rocks and divots acted as bruising speed bumps that incurred our winces when we tumbled over them.
Many times Dwayne tried to disappear, but I had a hold of his core and he mine. We were conjoined in a hellish dance. But I wasn't afraid. Something within me had finally snapped. It was primal – instinctive, and it wanted blood. His blood. When we hit bottom I was straddling Dwayne, and I hadn't lost my grip on his flaming core. But with the force of our impact, he'd lost his hold on mine.
Keeping one hand locked within his chest, I jumped to my feet. Dwayne was weakening, but the She-Beast was not going to be appeased with a quick end to this man. He was going to suffer as I had suffered. With one hand still locked on the dimming ember of his eternal flame, I lifted him off his feet. I slammed his flickering ethereal ooze against a near-by tree, and then I gave his core a bit of a squeeze.
“Do you know how many nights I lay in bed with the same battered expression you're now wearing? Too many. You never shied from telling me how much of a worthless piece of shit I am – was – but I am here to tell you sir, you are the worthless piece of shit. You are a waste of a life, nothing. You're a meal for maggots and worms. When I end you – you're going to be nothing but a small speck of dust on the tapestry that is my soul. You will no longer have the power to cloud my eyes, or cause a numbing ache in the center of my chest. As sure as your body and soul die, so will the control you've always commanded over me.”
“You really think you're going to be rid of me so easily? The brand under your eye maybe changing, but daughter you'll never forget me. When you're happy and life is a floating bubble on the breeze – I'll be the prick that pops it. When you're down and you're desperate for anyone to love you – I'll be the whisper in your ear that lists all the reasons why you'll never be loved. So go ahead, snuff me out, but don't think for a minute that you've purged your system of me. I am nothing else, if I am not the cancer that plagues you.”
I lowered my head – not out of shame or defeat – but because my anger dissipated to an unwavering pity for this fragmented spirit. All of the curses and bile ridden speeches weren't for meant for me. They were lamentations of his self-loathing. I looked at the fragile glowing coal in the palm of my hand, and my heart swelled with a love for this man that I'd denied for years. He was no longer a menacing entity, but a broken boy who'd never made peace with the demons in his past. I would be doing him a disservice if I let him live. The scale of his self destruction would be epic. So it was with tears and a humbled absolution that I said my last words to Dwayne.
“You're right Dwayne, I will never be rid of you. But I won't think of the monster you've become, I will remember the man that I grew to love more than I could ever tell you. I will remember your laughter, and the way your eyes sparkled as you did. I will remember how for a brief space of time you were the safe haven I ran to when I needed to feel protected and shielded from those who wanted to cause me harm. There was a love and a goodness in you Dwayne, and that's what I will carry with me for the rest of my days – not your anger.”
I pressed my free hand to his damp cheek, and crushed the dying ember with the other. Dwayne faded away like the remnants of a bad dream. I was emerging from a dark fog, but at peace because I was awake and alive.
A throat cleared beside me. I remained kneeling next to the spot where Dwayne had been, but looked up to see Josh glowing with pride.
“You never cease to amaze me. The one constant in my guardianship of you, is that just when I think you're not going to get it, or you're going to give up – you just go balls to the wall and soar beyond my expectations,” he said shaking his head in wonder.
“Sis, you are amazing.”
I nodded my thanks, still too overwhelmed to speak. I rocked back on my heels and looked for Amber and Lisa.
“Yeah, about the girls – they're waiting for you over on the temple.”
They waved as I gazed in their direction.
My head fell to my chest and I kicked the grass at my feet.
“I don't want to lose them again,” I said unwilling to look at Josh.
“They're never really going to be absolutely gone...”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know, I'll carry them with me – blah, blah, blah. But its not the same. One day I will wake up, and I will no longer remember the exact pitch of their laughter. Then the next, I won't be able to recall the exact shade of their eyes. Not long after that they'll seem like the subjects of an abstract painting I've seen in a museum. Their faces – the impressions they've left behind will become lost to me, and then what? Proof of their existence will be lost to me forever. I don't think I can live with that.”
“Do you honestly think you'll forget them? I can guarantee you that you won't,” said Josh.
Josh looked at the position of the sun, moon, and stars.
“Listen, you don't have much time, so I would suggest you get your whining ass over there and tell them everything you wanted to say, but didn't.”
I closed my eyes, and put a clear picture of the temple in my mind. In the space of a breath, I was seated on the limestone edge and dangling my feet seated between the two of them. For the moment we were content with the silence of simply enjoying each others presence. The sun had disappeared under the horizon, and the moon was shining above us – a pearl among the twinkling stars.
“We get to hang out until the sun comes up, but then Lisa and I have to go,” Amber said.
“I figured as much,” I mumbled.
“Well at least we get this much Rose,” said Lisa as she put an arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, well at least you two will have each other,” I said with a pained scowl.
Amber put an arm around my shoulders as well.
“If you think we like this any more than you do, you're crazy – but this is just the way its going to be for awhile...”
I released a long, disgusted sigh.
“Rose, c'mon, look around you. How awesome is this? We're on the edge of the world, just the three of us. We've battled, adventured, and won. How many people can say that,” asked Lisa.
I shrugged.
Lisa hopped to her feet, “Snap out of it Rose! This is it! This moment is all we have! Stop sulking and make the best of what precious time we have together!”
My eyes were wide as I looked up at her.
“Yeah, I know, funny coming from me, the Mistress of Ill Content, but I've changed Rose. I get it now. Don't you?”
My lower lip trembled, “I don't know how to say goodbye.”
Lisa was immediately seated on her perch next to me with an arm around my shoulders.
“Neither do we,” whispered Amber.
Once again we were silent. Our histories together swirled and twirled around us like dandelion seeds floating on summer breeze. The boys, the laughter, the tears, the fights, the dancing, but most of all the love. We loved each other with every fiber of our beings and beyond. Together we were stronger, and apart we were lost pieces to a puzzle. Josh was right. I was never going to forget them. They were a part of me. Imbedded in my bones, and stitched to every cellular wall – Amber and Lisa were never going to disappear from me.
We never did speak. It was unnecessary. For Lisa I'd braved Hell and my devil. Amber rushed to our aid, not even Heaven could stop her. There was nothing we wouldn't do for one another – nothing we wouldn't face to ensure that we were all okay in the end. Bonds like this aren't made; they're forged and ours would never be broken.
For hours we listened to the songs of the jungle. The leaves rustled with a calm breeze, and creatures scurrying for a resting place. Cicadas and tree frogs filled the night with their shrill falsettos. Bats fluttered spasmodically throughout the jungle's canopy filling their bellies with gnats and flies. Too soon day was dawning. The bats were replaced with a rainbow of birds, and it was their happy song that now greeted the sun. We held on as long as we could, but our time was up. Lisa, Amber, and Josh sparkled until they exploded with radiant light. And then they were nothing more than fireflies soaring within the sun's rays.
I wanted to pull at my hair and weep, but there was a weight forcing itself in my lungs. The jungle was disappearing from sight, and there was a piercing ringing in my ears. Then the world went black.
My eyes fluttered open, and there was a blurred face lingering over my mouth. Then there were shouts and cries in Spanish. I sat up, and swayed under the singing pain pounding in my skull. Pressing my hand to the back of my head that was pulsating wildly, I felt a large bump. Disoriented, I looked around. I was in the jungles of Semuc Champey, and if I wasn't mistaken, sitting on the spot where Dwayne had rushed me.
“We heard an awful scream, when we noticed you were no longer with our group. We rushed in the direction of the wail, and found you lying here unconscious. I am a doctor in Barcelona, I felt it best that we didn't move you. Only moments ago you stopped breathing and your heart stopped; that's when I began CPR. Now that you are awake, I think you'll be just fine.”
The doctor squinted and then leaned closer to my face.
“Was that there before? You'd think I would have noticed...”
“What? What are you talking about?”
He ran his thumb over the skin just under my left eye.
“You have the most intricately designed tattoo of a burning phoenix. Its really quite exquisite.”
“Could I ask you to bother the senorita over there if she has a mirror?”
He spoke to the girl in Spanish, and soon after produced a compact. I opened it and gazed in the small circular mirror in wonder.
Dwayne's brand had evolved from a horrid mash of seared flesh to a mark of beauty unlike anything I'd ever seen. It was a firebrand of resplendent peace and perseverance. A totem and kindred reminder that I was never more than what I was meant to be.
I smiled up at the concerned Spaniard, and said, “I believe Good Doctor that you are right.”
He tilted his chin in confusion.
“You are right, I'm going to be just fine.”
All Material is under Copyright to Nellie Rose Daft May 2011
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